About the bottom of your emails
// April 6th, 2009 // Featured, Fun, Writing
If you’re going to be wasting bytes by putting all that fine print at the bottom of your emails, at least be honest and do try to be funny. Here’s how:
Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail. After you’ve printed it, please consider the environment again. The environment thanks you for your consideration.
The information contained in this email and any attachment is confidential and may contain legally privileged or copyright material, Facebook friend updates, new Twitter followers, unsigned artists who want to be your friend on MySpace or unexpected windfalls from representatives of African financial institutions. It is intended only for the use of the addressee(s) (is that even a word(s)?), those people the addressee(s) choose to forward it to, Google’s AdSense servers and the CIA. If you are not the intended recipient of this email, the intended recipient’s assistant, wife or close friend, you are not permitted to disseminate, distribute or copy this email or any attachments. If you choose to ignore this warning you will be prosecuted to the maximum possible extent of the (non-existent) law up to and including us sending someone round to sing loudly outside your bedroom window at three in the morning and peeing on your doorstep. If you have received this message in error, please notify the sender immediately via Twitter or Facebook and delete this email from your system, delete your system, reformat your drive and send the computer back to the manufacturer with a letter clearly explaining that you opened and read an email that wasn’t intended for you and would they please send you a new computer when they have a moment. The employer of the sender of this email does not represent or warrant that this transmission is secure, virus free, bad joke free, relevant to you professionally, or a good use of your time. Before opening any attachment you should check the attachment, your computer and your immediate surroundings for viruses, spraying any contaminated surfaces with an approved disinfectant. The organisation’s liability is limited to telling you to stop wasting our time reading pointless and unenforceable fine print at the bottom of emails.
