Welcome to the Century of Live Streaming Semi-Conciousness
// December 10th, 2009 // Mobile
If this century is to be remembered for anything other than fiddling while Rome burned, Beijing fumed and various tiny island nations sank slowly beneath the waves, I predict we will be remembered for the tremendous progress we’ve made in communicating nothing interesting, to millions of people worldwide. This is the Century Of Live Streaming Semi-Conciousness.
The professionals have been doing it for a century or so (I’m looking at you, Daily Mirror, Fox News, Big Brother) but until very recently they’ve been constrained by the need to make a profit from it. We amateurs have no such constraint — we do it because we like to be watched, and because we like to think that someone is watching us.
With each passing day I learn of new ways I can say nothing interesting in front of an ever-growing audience, sitting at desks, in living rooms, glued to their mobile phone, all waiting to see what kind of nothing I’ll talk about next.
Today was a big day in Nothing Publishing, with the release of Ustream.tv’s free iPhone app, Ustream Live Broadcaster. Until now, Ustream’s thousands of nothing-broadcasting users have been stuck in front of the webcam stuck on top of their computers, and most of the video on the Ustream network is stream-of-semi-conciousness stuff, poorly-lit by a too-close LCD monitor, with heavy shadow on the wall of the den in the background.
With the release of Ustream Live Broadcaster, at last the semi-concious live video broadcasters of the world are set free to roam the pavements and hallways of the world, shuffling slowly like zombies, mouths half-agape as they try to frame the shot, try to keep it steady and think of nothing to say while they create an online poll with one finger and scout around with half an eye, looking desperately for something — anything — that might be happening, which would be twice as interesting as the nothing they’re filming right now.
I’ve installed Ustream Live Broadcaster on my iPhone, I’ve carried it with me to the car, mounted it in the windscreen cradle so my iPhone can play rather-ordinary-GPS, and then driven up to the tennis courts to pick Boy8 up from school. Nothing much happens. There’s some traffic, and I couldn’t think of nothing to say, but I’ve left the afternoon ABC news on the radio for you so you won’t fall asleep while you watch.
The best bit about this app is that I don’t need to take a hand off the steering wheel to publish my video about nothing to thousands of ‘friends’ on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. The worst bit about it is that even when my network coverage was strong, the quality of the video takes you right back to the beginning of the last century (you remember, The Century Of Everybody Watching The Same TV Show About Nothing.)
No, wait, I’m forgetting: the worst bit is, despite the technology, I still have nothing interesting to say.
Yes, we can all now broadcast live streaming video from our iPhones. Now all we need is something interesting to broadcast.
